Friday, March 31, 2006
you better like your present.
i will so KILL you if you dont like it
i had to spend almost the whole day doing it
and i had to trudge thru the heavy rain after getting your present
in the process getting soaked to the skin
but it all worth it (:
{edit}
i just got tricked by faith leong swat bee.
that is EMBARASSING.
RAWR
{/edit}
Thursday, March 30, 2006
it was enlightening
just made me think about thailand even more
thunder is the ultimate cute kid on this planet i say
little chocolate teddy bear with cute pinchable cheeks which are so very cute.
thai kids are so different from the singapore kids
i tutored some girl called nathalie
she has an extra 'h' cos her uncle mispelled her name in her birth cert.
how ironic
she is really pretty but looks kind of ah lian?
strikes me as the type that is super attention seeking.
Another malay kid 7 yrs old was super cute
but he slept the whole time
so we did not get to tutor him
the rest seemed to have some attitude problem which was quite scary
After this whole CIP thing
i have become so aware how lucky that i am to go to MGS
i dont know why i am just grateful
that i receiving such good education.
After 2 hrs of tutoring we went to play with them for 1hr
which is quite ok not as fun as in Thailand where you just really play
the malay girls TRIED to teach us how to break dance
but seeing izzy try made me die laughing
i think i hurt my back further, competing with them doing the bridge :/
the worse thing was they did not say
thank you or bye or any form of gratitude :(
darn
anyway bio test today was some killer paper
i have a random phobia of bananas now
yes all because of biology
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
a random shot
i miss thailand.
just felt happy there. waking up knowing that day was for God
because of that i was just happy
miss that feeling thus miss thailand
everyday i wake up telling myself
i cant go through the day
Lord teach me how to know you are there once again
teach me how to be happy
i have no idea where i am now
i am just lost in a maze
every where i turn i hit a dead end
i failed my amath test
i am going to fail my bio test
same thing applies to physics
so basically
i am screwed
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
you should be a happy girl now (:
i have mentioned you name
thanks for being there all the time
no idea what i would do if you suddenly dissapeared
no one to scream at me and laugh with me.
so yes
go move mountains now!
Monday, March 27, 2006
get to chose what i want to study for that day
stay at home and have my mum as a teacher or something
get to forget about CCA, LTC, PB
and waking up at the insane hour to drag my half dead body to school.
screw social interaction
i rather be some introverted freak show
now i have no idea who my 'friends' are
i dont even know how to define the word
cos they are the ones that cause the most hurt.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
i laughed it off
maybe i really am
now i am really pissed off.
i dont feel like going back next week.
i did not tell anyone yet it somehow got out.
and i am really really fustrated.
because everyone thought i said it.
i feel like destroying things now.
i need some wood/cement. real bad
miss the days of taekwondo were i have proper reasons for whacking things up i should go and dig up my old target and stick it on the wall to whack.
people are so super insensitive,
i might be at fault but no reason to go around hurting my feelings.
hannah did a lesson about loving your enemies and not critiszing.
i am trying to keep what everything the bible has to say in mind
but i am just too ticked off.
I will keep the plank and sawdust thing in mind but now it is so hard to forgive
ARGH THEY ARE SUCH TARDS!
I NEED SOME OUTPUT FOR MY ANGER NOW
i wish diary-x never died i loved their lock entries so i could rant.
i dont dare write in diaries cos people dont respect your privacy and just read through it
so yes
i need to let off steam and scream at something.
There are really only this little LITTLE group of people i can really talk to in church and some who i just cannot. stand.
dont talk to me unless i talk to you
cos now i think you are a jerk.
and you know what
i have no idea why i EVER EVER considered you a friend.
now i can only trust a few people in church
the rest,
you might just backstab me.
i wish i was back in kindy sunday school
Thursday, March 23, 2006
woke up this morning with a killer sore throat
resulting in my mother's constant nagging that i missed one dose of my antibiotics and how i am going to die.
cant really breathe properly and my back is killing me
joy.
i am really bored at home since i am banned from riding due to my back
so yes i must wait till my back is ok
there is absolutely nothing to do now.
many many birthdays coming up.
i need to buy lots of birthday presents.
after that it is good friday and easter
i like these days.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
thanks
it was super nice of you.
school was super rawr.
just dragging my feet along
i want the june hols to come
feel like quiting school but i cant
anyway some issue will take some time to be ironed over
especially thse sort of things
anyway today was retarded
kinda fun to hang out at waffle
and i am not a dumbass
i honestly thought it was an umbrella
not my water bottle.
today i learned much interesting facts
it is very interesting
Monday, March 20, 2006
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
Sunday, March 19, 2006
i am honestly not cheesed off anymore
the reason i was pissed is because of the way people carried themselves
i hated the way i was the only one with the documents
thats why halfway i gave up carrying my file around
i hated the way i was so tired
but you know what.
i hated running around
i just want to be a normal camper
no one really knows how i feel
feeling of how inadequet.
camp turned out fine people were definately blessed
i was blessed in one way.
i know who are my true friends.
hard knocks and all.
i honestly did not think the first day was screwed.
God somehow carried us through and thru all the chaos it was fine
the sec 1s i remember were complaining about their groups and giving me a super hard time
by stealing my stuff and all
but it turned out alright i think.
something that daniel shared today
spiritual leadership
i have so many things running through my head now.
dont think i am some cold hearted person
you dont even know when my heart bleeds
i was thinking about stuff during QT
so dont go critisizing me.
i have feelings too
so dont go around hurting them
i did not WANT to go to church today
i wanted to not go to church for sometime cos i did not want to face everybody
everytime i feel down
i have no one to go to.
cos everytime someone else needs me so i have to pick myself up and go on
before worship and after QT no one knew how i felt
not like anyone cared.
i honestly cannot talk to anyone.
how insensititve can people get.
dont think everything is fine and dandy cos i dont show it.
dont expect me to go around solving all your problems
cos i cant i have no energy
all walls are closing on me now and there is no door.
sorry the more i think about camp the more angsty i feel about it.
i have no idea why i am angry i just am
i try to remind myself of Gods love
but i just feel so angsty
[/edit]
camp.
happy it is over yet i dont really want it to be over.
i miss the clicking group
we are so cool, sitting around and clicking.
talking about the ugimbos
miss staying up late at night just crapping with the girls
i had a total of 7 hrs of sleep for the whole camp
i just miss staying in church and not worrying about school
all you need to care about is hanging out
new way of looking at camps now
so used to sitting back and just enjoying camp
organising it and carrying it out is super tiring
i honestly did not learn much from camp cos i was away from every theme talk
always doing some stuff so it is kinda bad
looking back should not have agreed to be GL
was always away for worship/games/t-shirts
i think the t-shirt is really cool (:
Worship was super cool the way even though we are not all pro musicians and stuff.
faith, you are really good dont care what the ugimbos say or do.
it was fun doing worship and it somehow mad me feel happy.
just plain happy there is like nothing else to explain it.
i dont know if i want to relive the whole experience of camp
but it was interesting
became closer to some people
the whole politics of church is very very compliacted.
just thankful i got people like faith and choe
family day was after camp and it was really cool
they really put alot of effort in the games
everything was really nice
the fun part came when we had to destroy everything
all of us seemed to have some destructive spirit in us
felt good ripping stuff up it is like destress
jon and james went to wrap me with the cardboard
and i got a new home under a pile of cardboard.
thanks alot.
all the toys that were around was also super cool
i want one of the guns to play with
who knew kids these days are so violent
they hurt super bad when you get shot and they are alot like real guns
the short guns are super fun to play with
the gerbils are dam cool to play
they are like faster versions of hamsters with long tails
and equally cute.
faith choey and me went around for awhile and slacked
i missed the dinner with the chocolate fountain and nice food.
oh wells
came home and slept like never before
did not even care that my hair was wet
so when i woke up my hair was erm interesting
had dinner at 10pm
stayed up until nearing midnight talking before sleeping
so this morning i was late for church
Some stuff are just not worth getting pissed off at.
wasted too much energy
just they way things was done
how people treated others.
it is irritating
maybe they dont realise it but others do
dont just say something and go back on your word
scold someone but join in later
it is not fair to alot of people
and it sucks.
now it does not matter
i will forgive and forget
life is too short to keep being angry.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
due to me walking around botanic gardens in the rain and getting into a cold taxi.
argh this sucks.
so many things to do for camp!!
today was a bad way to spend our time.
i dont want to go to school tommorrow.
i just want to stay home and sulk.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
he is so super cute.
reminds me of thunder.
i miss thunder. i dont a picture of thunder by himself.
he is so cute! i hope he remembers me :/
i am such a pheadophile.
Tommorrow there is games comm meeting at botanic gardens.
figuring out how to play some games there.
camp t-shirt is really cool. that is why you should go for camp.
cos you get a really cool t-shirt.
I cant wait for holidays. only TWO more days of school to plough through before i can finally wake up and sleep late without anyone bothering me to wake up.
and it would finally be camp.
get away from the house for a little while.
Still there is so much things to do.
no idea how i am going to do it.
but i promise i am going to sleep late even if my holidays are packed up with things to do.
i absolutely refuse to go back to school in the mornings.
i need a break.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
looking back my life has really changed. good or bad i dont know.
last time i used to love squash. i could do both riding and squash.
now i dont even know what i am doing.
what more i used to look at life so simply.
everything was straight forward not some complex web of half truths and feelings.
i might have grown up a little.
but i feel like a little ignorant kid at times.
Monday, March 06, 2006
there is so many things to do i am drowning in the ever growing amount of things to do.
child-like faith?
sometimes i really wished i have it.
the more things start to pile on the more i hold on.
doing all these things i lose sight of God
It feels like i am in a tunnel and the light at the end is diming.
even though i know it is there, at times i cant see it.
I ask myself, when will this all end.
all these things that happened this year seem so pointless and random.
i dont know where i am headed to.
just turning round in circles on the same spot
and now i am giddy.
the more i try to go the worse it becomes.
This thing about trusting i just cant come to grips with.
March holidays come sooner.
maybe then i will not feel so tired and finally rest.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
it felt real good.
just slacked the whole time and caught up with stacey.
something which i have not done in a long time.
anyway she is supposed to come over for our sims 2 session soon.
The rest of the day was just really mundane.
my mum is sick and is stuck at home. i have some really random bone ache in my left arm. it is not my muscle cos the ache is deeper inside. becky goh says it is growing pains, but not only one arm can become longer right? anyway i dont think i am growing anymore.
so i said it was a BAD OMEN.
i was right, i got lobo today and my lesson was crap. so yes aching bones mean something.
Yesterday after me for tuition there was some really really cute boy, he was p2 he is so cute and small and cute. so i went into pheadophile mode (:
this is a super random post. i seem to be jumping topic.